Every lesson and reference page uses these terms and no synonyms. The “avoid” lines are the point — they name the vaguer word the term replaces.
Canonical language for this workspace. Every lesson and reference document uses these terms and no synonyms. Terms are added as they become load-bearing in the curriculum.
The Window: The interval between noticing an opening and the opening closing. The trainable variable is its length, not what gets said inside it. Avoid: The moment, the approach window, the opportunity
Initiation latency: Elapsed seconds from noticing an opening to speaking. The primary metric of Phase 1. Avoid: Hesitation time, approach anxiety score
Spiked rep: An initiation performed while arousal is still elevated — heart rate up, adrenaline present. The only kind of rep that counts for extinction learning. Avoid: Brave approach, pushing through
Safety behaviour: Anything done to make an interaction feel survivable that prevents learning it was survivable anyway. Waiting for the adrenaline to subside is one. Avoid: Coping strategy, crutch, warm-up
Expectancy violation: The gap between what you predicted would happen and what did. The mechanism by which exposure works — not the reduction of fear during the exposure. Avoid: Disconfirmation, proving yourself wrong
Arousal reappraisal: Relabelling the physical surge as readiness rather than threat, without trying to reduce it. Targets the interpretation, never the sensation. Avoid: Calming down, state control, inner game
Follow-up question: A question that draws on what the other person just said. The only question type shown to raise both perceived responsiveness and liking. Avoid: Digging deeper, active listening question
Full-switch question: A question that introduces a new topic unconnected to the previous answer. Roughly a quarter of all questions people ask, and it measurably lowers perceived responsiveness. Avoid: Topic change, new question
Mirror question: Bouncing the same question straight back ("You?"). Empirically inert — no effect on liking or responsiveness in either direction. Avoid: Reciprocating, returning the question
Boomerask: Asking a question, receiving the answer, then immediately pivoting to give your own. Reads as insincere and underperforms simply disclosing directly. Avoid: Setting up your story, conversational hijack
Active-constructive response: An enthusiastic, elaborating reaction to someone's good news. The only one of the four response types that predicts relationship quality — the mild, polite version patterns with the destructive ones. Avoid: Being supportive, congratulating
Specific listener response: A reaction timed to the content of what is being said — a wince, an exclamation — as opposed to generic nodding and "mhm". Its absence measurably degrades how well the other person tells their story. Avoid: Backchannel, active listening, engagement signal
The liking gap: The reliable shortfall between how much a new acquaintance actually liked you and how much you think they did. Larger for shyer people, and it persists for months. Avoid: Insecurity, misreading the room
Novelty penalty: The reversal whereby the more unusual story lands worse than the familiar one, because the listener lacks the background to fill in the gaps. Avoid: Oversharing, losing the room
Filler: An audible non-word occupying a pause — uh, um, like, you know, so. Counted per minute, not per talk. Avoid: Verbal tic, crutch word, disfluency
Silent pause: The trained replacement for a filler. Same duration, no sound. Avoid: Dead air, awkward silence
Attention split: The percentage of attention on self, on the task, and on the environment during an interaction — must total 100. Logged after the fact, not managed during. Avoid: Being present, mindfulness, self-consciousness
Transition-relevance place (TRP): The end of a coherent unit of talk, where speaker change becomes legitimate. The point at which the turn-taking rules fire. Avoid: Natural pause, gap, opening
Self-selection: Taking the floor at a TRP when no next speaker has been named. Rule 2 of the turn-taking system — a specified right, not an intrusion. Avoid: Jumping in, interrupting, butting in
Terminal overlap: Beginning to speak fractionally before the current turn ends, because its ending was correctly projected. Evidence of tracking the conversation, not a breach of it. Avoid: Talking over, interrupting
Pre-closing token: A "well", "okay", "so", or topic-final summary that opens a closing sequence and hands the other person the choice to accept it or add one more thing. Avoid: Excuse, exit line, wrapping up
O-space: The protected empty centre of a standing conversational group, jointly maintained and not to be walked through. Its opening is how a newcomer is admitted. Avoid: The circle, the huddle
Phatic: Of an utterance whose function is signalling willingness to connect rather than conveying information. The category most openers belong to. Avoid: Small talk, chit-chat, filler
Civil inattention: The neutral, respectful non-engagement that is the default between strangers in public. A baseline condition, not a verdict or a barrier. Avoid: Being ignored, coldness
The veto: The internal step that discards a generated opener as too boring to say. The target of Week 2 — the generator is working; the veto is miscalibrated. Avoid: Overthinking, self-doubt
Prediction gap: The share of written pre-rep forecasts that turned out more pessimistic than what actually happened. The countable measure of a miscalibrated veto. Avoid: Being wrong, negativity